You never know how much you miss a place until you leave it.
Yes. I absolutely and unapologetically believe this to be one hundred and ten percent true. It’s just starting to hit me that I will be leaving my city, the city, the city where everything fits together in perfect jigsaw fashion, in less than 24 short hours.
I have always known that you never really miss a place until your as far away as it as possible, but seeing as my whole life I’ve uplifted my roots every few years, something else resonances within me when I reread this quote. I am so lucky to have a multitude of places I can call “home”. There’s San Diego – the place where I return “home”, New York City – the “home” where I lost my heart and never looked back,and the other many places where I’ve planted my roots. It seems to me that each time I leave again, the easier it gets and the “missing” seems less. Maybe it’s just so entrenched in who I am as a person that leaving seems almost normal and missing it would seem counterintuitive because I know I’ll be back.
I’ll be leaving in more than just a physical sense tomorrow. I’ll be leaving my friends, memories, and part of my heart. I am so in love with the city, that It hurts to even think about boarding that plane tomorrow. The past five months in New York have given me a “family” of whom I can’t even imagine not living with now, a ridiculous amount of experiences (mostly resulting in late night pizza and hilarious group texts the next morning), and a sense of adventure. I was stuck in a rut at the end of last year – simply going through the motions – but now I am invigorated and cannot wait to wake up each day, for there is a new adventure to be had.
There really isn’t any other way to describe how I feel about leaving so I wrote a letter to New York:
New York, I will miss you more than you ever know.
I will miss your white pizza at 3AM in Saint Marks,
the random conversations on the subway with tourists from Louisiana,
and the fresh smell of rain hitting the pavement after weeks without rain.
New York, I will miss you more than I can express in words.
I will miss being able to explore a plethora of villages and neighborhoods without even leaving the island.
I will miss the crazy taxis and their swerving driving styles,
the tiny shoebox apartments my friends reside in,
and the never ending sirens that make up the sounds of the night.
New York, Tomorrow I say adieu to more than just friends, great chinese food, and getting lost among millions.
I say goodbye to the greatest city on Earth that has taught me more about myself than any person or school teacher could.
New York, I must remind myself that tomorrow is not “goodbye”, rather “see you later”.
New York you have been wonderful.
Thank you for everything you have taught me. I know that San Diego and Spain will be wonderful but there is truly nothing like living in the big apple.
Woah. I cannot believe I had never seen a Broadway play before tonight. I feel like I’ve been missing out on a huge cultural experience (which is true) but I’m so glad I finally got to see Wicked tonight. Besides the fact that I got to cross off “See A Broadway Play” on my twenties list, there were so many other cool things about going to the theatre.
My Ticket
I got relatively cheap tickets in the Upper Mezzanine of the Gershwin Theatre, but to be frank – there weren’t really any terrible seats in the whole place. I was pretty lucky and sat next to an older couple from Louisiana, whom made me feel less awkward about going stag to a musical, and asked me about things to do and see in the city. The play itself was marvelous – the actors and actresses have breathtaking voices and the set was really cool although I couldn’t really understand what the Mechanical Wizard was saying. The music was very catchy and I often found it difficult to restrain myself from busting out into some show tunes.
The Set
After the play, I decided to walk over to Rockefeller Plaza and then down towards Bryant Park before getting on the train. I wanted to see the tree again, grab some pictures with the Canon and just enjoy my “night off”. Christmas time in the city is absolutely stunning and I would definitely put it on everybody’s Bucket List of things to do before they die. I ended my night in Grand Central where my phone died right as I was trying to take a panoramic shot which sort of stinks, but oh well. Below are just some of the photos from the night 🙂 Enjoy
So for those of you who don’t get the title, please ignore my crude Spanish humor. It’s a play on words – I’m currently a hot mess with finals and there’s one month (un mes) left until I leave for Spain. Get it? Okay, probably not but anyways, as I was saying…
ONE MONTH. 31 DAYS. 744 HOURS. 44,640 MINUTES. 2,678,400 SECONDS.
I honestly cannot wait to be Madrid bound in one short month. Although my time spent in San Diego will be very limited, my time in Madrid spent away from the city, friends and family will be worth it (or at least I hope so). I have my Visa appointment tomorrow morning (yikes!), and just finished securing an apartment – everything is happening so fast! The one thing however, that I am not looking forward to is packing everything up. I have a tendency to overpack (to say the least) and stuffing five months worth of clothes and belongings into two suitcases (with room for goodies) will be a challenge – but a challenge I’m up to nonetheless. Let’s rewind to last Christmas Eve – one of my bags was 30 pounds over and the other one was 15 pounds over so Twist and Sam had to wear some of my coats on the plane and we had to completely repack my bags – it was a sight to see (and I’m sure the staff at American Airlines had a good laugh). I’m home in a week, and in Spain in a month. Phew! Time really does fly when you’re having fun!
A box of cupcakes, 2 suitcases, a duffle bag and one backpack later…
In other news, I’m going to Wicked tonight. I’m sort of nervous but very excited because a) I already know all the words to the soundtrack (Popular! I’ll help you be Pop-uuuu-larrr) and b) it means I get to cross another thing off my “list“. Anyways, I gotta go – I’ll upload some pics later tonight with a full critique of the play.
It’s day like yesterday which make me feel as if I’m standing still, and the entire world is moving a million miles a minute around me. I blink my eyes once and the world stops. I blink my eyes again and I’m surrounded by a cloud of people in Union Square. I wake up, have class, work out, work, eat dinner, do some homework, and before I know it, I collapse into my twin sized bed. The routine never fails me, except for now. The routine has me programmed to do what I know, not what I need. I need time. I need adventure. I need freedom.
Looking back, this semester has passed faster than the speed of light. Though the hands of the clock ticked by oh so slowly, and as a collective, the past few months have flown by. Soccer evaporated quicker than dew on blades of grass on a warm summer day and hours spent with friends seemed only like seconds. I’m going home in less than 13 days, and while yes I am beyond ecstatic to be back on the west coast, the thoughts of saying goodbye to New York for eight long months is devastating.
Gonna miss this crazy lifestyle
While on the topic of time, it’s crazy/weird/unimaginable to think that I’ll be TWENTY (yes, twenty Mom and Dad) in less than two months time. I’ve been told by way more than people than I can recall that my twenties will be memorable to say the least – a time to make mistakes, forge friendships, and simultaneously be reckless and responsible (is that even possible?). That being said, I need to get down to business on my twenties list... I have less than two weeks to: visit all 5 boroughs in one day, go to Ellis Island, possibly donate blood through NYU, and see a Broadway play (If anybody has any recommendations, let me know as I am completely clueless when it comes to that sort of thing). If I do those four things by the time I get home then I’ll be nearly half way done with my list, which makes it that much more attainable.
The next week I’ll be bogged down with things to do, tests to study for, and people to see but the last three days I’m in the city are my “free day”. I can’t wait to explore the city and say my goodbyes. The past few months have been so surreal and I know that I will definitely be leaving a part of my heart in New York City when I head back home to San Diego and then off to Spain.
Stay tuned for a couple of holiday-themed posts to get in you in the mood for the season 🙂
If you were to log into my Facebook the past couple of weeks, you’d be inundated with statuses about some of my friends making the NCAA tournament, photos of various college teams, and check-ins to airports across the airport. Last night I received multiple Snapchats from my parents and sister about the Final Four tournament in San Diego, where Penn State beat FSU and UNC defeated Stanford. To say that I was a little bit depressed last night would be an understatement. It was tough for me to see these teams still playing, seeing their dream still alive. What made it worse, however, was hearing that Emory made it into the DIII National Championships (which will be played tonight at 6:30). They will be facing Messiah whom they beat earlier this season. Emory comes into the National Championship game with a 15-1-7 record – their only loss coming from us, while Messiah comes in with 22-1-1 record – their only loss to Emory. Though it is difficult (to say the least) to watch these teams battle each other for the national championship, I can (and do) take pride in the fact that we beat Emory this year, so I hope they win.
Moving on… Next season has already been deemed the redemption season. There is nothing more in the world that I want than to go onto the NCAA tournament and just go out and win it.
Our coach recently sent us an email following the end of the season. She often sends us quotes or stories, but this one invoked feelings when evaluating our season. It just spoke to me
Simon Hartley who wrote “Be World Class” was published in the NSCAA Publication “The Soccer Journal”.
When I see tough players, fists aren’t banging. In fact, the toughest players I’ve seen tend not to be physically or verbally intimidating. Maybe they don’t need to be. Instead, the players who show true mental toughness tend to display three distinct qualities.
1. RESILIENCE:
Commonly seen as “bounce-back-ability” and the capacity to thrive in adverse situations.
2. TENACITY:
The ability to keep going and push to the limit.
3. COMPOSURE:
The ability to make good decisions and execute skills to a very high standard, while “under pressure.”
For those fellow soccer players and athletes out there, I hope this excerpt proves as inspiring and eye opening to you as it did for me. My goals for next year include being a mentally tough player as defined above.For the non-athletes, I hope this sheds some light into the mental aspect of athletics which is a large part of my soccer career – especially as a goalkeeper.
Happy belated Turkey Day! I hope everybody had a marvelous time with all of their friends and family – and for those who were serving overseas – I owe you a great thanks. With the Thanksgiving holiday behind us, I decided it would be best to write about everything in my life that I’m thankful for. The list is numerous so I’m just going to touch upon my top three 🙂
1. Family – It’s a given, but I know I wouldn’t be here today without all of their help. I am so lucky to not only have my Patten/Sachen family but also the Staab family who has taken me in the past couple of years. Not only have Pete and Nani included me in their lives but have introduced me to their extended family who take me in over the holidays. I am eternally blessed to be their “second daughter” and “sister from another mister” (as Sam likes to call it).
Pattens and Staabs (minus Petey and Pete)
2. Soccer – The sport has not only provided me with numerous opportunities, a circle of life long friends (shout out to all current and former teammates) whom I can call upon for anything and everything, but it also has provided me an outlet for anger, creativity, and frustration. My all time favorite passion keeps me sane despite sometimes being the root of my insanity (if that makes any sense).
What’s Your Excuse?
3. Freedom and Opportunity – Maybe it’s the little patriot in me or even my military background, but I am and will be forever thankful for all the freedom and opportunity I have been afforded. Myself, and so many others would not be able to do the things we love without the dedication and service of current and past armed forces (huge shut out to our Military). I know that I for one wouldn’t be in NYC or NYU without my parent’s help and I wouldn’t be able to freely write and express my opinion if it weren’t for the protectors of our freedom – so Amen to that!
Hope everybody had a safe and yummy Thanksgiving! Check out this video of some NYU athletes thanking our parents for everything!
Yikes! It feels like I’ve set a new record in terms of not writing in forever. My life has been a blur to say the least. My days seem to flow together with no real definite end or beginning to the day, to the point where I couldn’t even tell you what the date is. November has passed by in the blink of an eye and I cannot believe Thanksgiving is in a mere three days. The past few weeks have consisted of early wake ups, late nights, and enough work to make the inner-nerd in me cringe (and to think that I’m busy in-season). I realized after looking at my blog that I a) Can cross something off my 20 list and b) I never fully went into details about the Emory game so I feel it’s appropriate to blog about that today.
WE BEAT EMORY <—- That needed to be in all caps because that’s how I would tell you – I would be in your face and screaming it from the top of my lungs. Just going back and thinking about that moment makes me smile.
Going into the Emory game, our team knew we had our work cut out for us. The previous weekend in Chicago and St. Louis was rough on all of us to say the least. On the following Tuesday we lost 2-0 to Mt. St. Mary in a game we should have won, and then on Friday morning we tied Carnegie Mellon in a 0-0 draw that was extremely physical. I came back to recovery Saturday morning needing some TLC and a lot of ice after punching a ball out of the box (and taking out a forward) in the final seconds of overtime. The game Sunday just seemed to be a mounting situation, an almost impossible task.
So Much More Than Friends
Each of us knew that in order to even be consider for the NCAA selection bid we needed to beat Emory. It was one final push that could make or break us and to be honest I didn’t know how much “fight” we had left in us. For those who don’t follow NYU Women’s Soccer, Emory is always our big game of the year. Last year we lost to them 3-2 in over time and we have never beat them in our program’s history (they were 18-0 against NYU). Prior to our game, Emory was undefeated in both the regular season and in the UAA league for TWO YEARS. They had the longest active winning streak in all of Division III and were (at the time of our game) ranked number one in the country.
The night before Emory, my Dad flew into the city from Paris on the way home from a business trip. I was beyond excited for him to be in New York and to catch the biggest game of the year. After grabbing a quick bite to eat with him on Saturday night, I found my place between the covers and tried my hardest to get a good nights sleep. Though I got a solid amount of sleep, I unfortunately slept through two alarms, rushed out of my room, bee-lining straight towards Coles. As soon as I got there, I tried to grab my jerseys but much to my dismay the Equipment Room had lost temporarily misplaced them so I headed down to the Trainers to get all taped up and cleared to play. After changing into some warm sweats, I grabbed a banana (yum) and gatorade, then hopped on the bus.
The air was much more brisk and the sky had settled into a grayish haze over Gaelic Park by the time warm-ups began. The sound of Lion King echoing throughout the stadium indicated it was time to get moving. The battle was about to begin. I had an “okay” warm-up which is usually pretty indicative of how I usually play in the game, which made me very nervous going up against the top ranked Emory. Without going into much detail, we played two very tight, scoreless halves and entered into overtime confident we could come out with the W. Our team kept composed, and unlike our opponents we didn’t panic because deep down we knew that we were going to win. That’s what separated us from Emory.
The first overtime began and ended quickly and the second period was well on it’s way to being over when Erin Ahmed slotted a ball into the back of the net. It was unreal. I think I went into shock and her goal didn’t really register into my head until much much later (during the blackout as a matter of fact). I ran past girls who had fallen to the ground, embarrassed by their loss to us – a dark horse in the UAA and jumped onto my teammates. Hugs were endless and I think I may have lost my voice in the celebration. Like I discussed in the previous post, we were told during our cool down that class was canceled the following day because of the impending hurricane but we didn’t care. It was just a perfect ending to one of the most grueling weeks of the season.
Couldn’t Have Asked For a Better Weekend
So going back to my list, I’m crossing off #13: Break a Record. Though I didn’t individually break any of these records, our team broke one of the longest records in NYU history and I’m so proud to be a part of it. The more I move down my list and the more I set and reset goals for myself, the more I realize that it’s less about the individual accomplishments and more about the team. The team is the ultimate champion and we proved that that weekend.
We beat and shutout Emory. I’ll never get sick of saying that.
I’m a sweats person. I’m sorry if you vehemently oppose my outfit but truth be told I’d much rather sit around in running tights (like I’m doing now) and sip on some tea and catch up on my Hulu Queue than dress up and pretend to be having fun while wearing some ridiculous get-up in the freezing cold.
Anyways, it’s been a lazy week and I’m very much dreading going back to school on Monday. It really isn’t the learning that is discouraging me from crawling out from my warm covers, rather the fact that I’ve been out of a routine and it’s really crampin’ my style (and also the fact that its been 34 degrees outside). I know that sounds weird, but trust me – once you get used to something and then all of a sudden stop it’s really difficult to get back on the bike and start pedaling again.
Life has been chaotic. I was finally able to return to my dorm after nearly a week spent cooped up inside random hotels/wandering the streets (okay so I didn’t really wander the streets – that was more for dramatic effect). After our game against Brandeis (don’t feel like talking about it), I was welcomed back to the lovely Carlyle Court with a piece of paper telling me how to clean my room after a week of inactivity. Luckily for my roommate Cami and I, we threw most of our spoiled food away on Day One and were just left smaller amounts of gross yucky nasty food. The worst thing I think about the hurricane knocking the power, however, is not the fact that all the food went bad (although that is a tragedy) rather that I still have to do about 9 loads of laundry. I was about to begin my laundry when the Sandy blew into the area, and now I’m stuck with even less to wear and a growing pile in my closet. To make matters worse the laundromat in our dorm is not functioning… So if you see me outside wearing Nike shorts and a blouse you know why 🙂
Disclaimer: Sorry for not posting in such a long time. So much has happened, and I have been just struggling to keep my head above water recently. I just wanted to say that I’m okay and give a recount of what has happened the past week in NYC. I’ve been thankful enough to find warmth and shelter the past few days but there are still thousands without power that need help and prayers. P.S. This will be a super long post so best prepare yourselves!
The past two weeks have been utter and total chaos – both good and bad. As I’m sure everybody has heard, Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast pretty badly. On Sunday night, after we dominated and destroyed Emory (story to follow), we were told that school on Monday was canceled because of the impending hurricane. To say that we were beyond excited was an understatement. We boarded the bus, giddy with excitement and rode back into the city – proud of our accomplishments and stoked for our extra day off of school and soccer. That night, in typical women’s soccer fashion, we locked ourselves in a room (don’t ask), sangbelted out to the tune of Mariah Carey’s “Always Be My Baby” and joked about the Frankenstorm that had made our weekend so much better – man were we wrong.
Closures Left and Right
The following morning (Monday), I woke up and headed out to meet my Dad at one of the few diners that was open in the city. Even though the storm had yet to hit the city, everybody had closed up shop, including Starbucks. I found myself on the corner of 6th and 18th at Hollywood Diner, ready for my day off with my Dad. Though I didn’t have an appetite, I forced down some fruit and toast, knowing that I’d be on my feet all day and I would need energy later in the day. We walked around Manhattan despite the blistering winds and torrential downpour and wound up at McSorley’s – my Mom’s favorite Irish bar (If you’re ever in NYC I highly recommend it).
Dad at McSorleys Before It Closed
The rest of the day was sort of shot, considering we were both exhausted – me from my game, and my Dad from his international travel – we decided to retreat to the hotel. That night was fun, just catching up and chilling out, and we were about to watch some MNF and chow down on some Chinese delivery food when the…. wait for it… POWER WENT OUT. Yes. The power in New York went out. I was besides myself. Though I knew that the storm had the possibility of knocking out the power, I was stupid ignorant and believed that it was highly unlikely. It was one of the most surreal moments in my life. I pulled back the curtain to see the entire skyline blacked out (except for Freedom Tower – minutes later it was out as well). After reassuring my family back home that we were safe, I turned my cell phone off to conserve battery and fell asleep – hoping that this was simply a bad dream and that the power would return once I woke.
The only lights were that of cars
Much to my despair, the power was not on when I awoke on Tuesday. My Dad was unable to fly back to California and the future was looking pretty bleak. After we gathered our things, we decided to make our way to my dorm blocks away to see if they had power. Unfortunately for us, my dorm was without power, water AND sewage. I grabbed some clothes for the day with my Dad and then headed back up to 24th street. We soon found out that everything south of 26th street was without power and would be for a few days so I called my teammate Phebe, told her to pack her things, meet up with us and go explore the city. We walked around for hours, taking in the destruction – it was unreal. Our practice field was ruined, and downtown New York City was flooded beyond belief. It was hard for me to see my beautiful city torn and tattered.
Our Beloved Field
We returned to our hotel hours later, determined to get another room somewhere with power and water. After calling what seemed like 50 hotels, including the very expensive yet enticing Plaza, we were told that everything was full. We decided to make reservations for the following night art a Marriott uptown anyways so we had a back up plan for the 31st. We then trekked up to the hotel in midtown, camped out to charge our cell phones and laptops and continued to harass ask the front desk if there was anything available. By the time I had gone down to the front desk a third time (with my biggest puppy eyes), we had decided to try the nearby Cornell club. After being turned down by them too, we stopped at a final hotel to use the bathroom and ask if they had a room to spare. By this point, I was going delirious, muttering under my breath “I hate Sandy. I hate being homeless” over and over again. While sitting in the hotel lobby of the luxurious Sofitel Hotel, I couldn’t help but notice that a) Phebe and I were scrubbing it hard core in our matching tights and north faces and b) my Dad was taking forever. We both looked at each other, began contemplating the odds that we had gotten a room, and before one of us could utter a single room my Dad returned with two keys held above his head. I swear, I thought he was gonna start dancing Gangnam Style. Our day was turning up.
We waltzed up to our hotel room on the 22nd floor and embraced in the biggest hug ever. We were no longer homeless and without power and water. The hotel was super fancy but what made things that much better was the fact that there was running water (we could finally take a hot shower) and could charge our phones with worrying about saving battery. We snuggled into the oversized twin beds (like who the heck has twin beds in a hotel?) and fell asleep after dinner. Before I closed my eyes to sleep, I thanked God for watching out for all of us and prayed for all of those without power.
On Wednesday morning, we awoke and headed back to Carlyle to get more supplies from our rooms. The night before we were told that school was canceled for the rest of the week, and due to the lack of electricity they were evicting everybody from the dorms. Luckily for us, we had a room at the Marriott Marquis (thanks Dad!) but others were forced to see refuge with friends or family in the area or at Kimmel – a multipurpose building down in Washington Square. Once we checked into the Marquis, we dropped our stuff off and decided to grab some breakfast next door at Juniors. We spent the rest of the day in the hotel, catching up on homework, facebooking and enjoying each others’ company. That night, Pheebz and I decided to unstress by shopping so we went to American Apparel, got some cool scrunchies and some American themed clothing (for my Halloween costume). We decided to meet my Dad at a local Irish place in Hells Kitchen and chowed down on some delicious Irish grub and dessert. Though the Shepard’s Pie did not quite meet my Dad’s standards, it was a great way to end his extended stay in the city.
In Total Disbelief
On Thursday my Dad left us for California. Although I was sad to say goodbye to him, I’m happy he was able to get back to the sanity of California. My other teammate, Leslie, joined Phebe and I soon after he left and we continued to hang out, work out, and contemplate life’s true meaning.
In wake of this terrible storm I’ve reflected on everything I’ve been given and realize how lucky I truly am. Only time will tell at how long this recovery will take but I am just eternally thankful for my friends safety and the kindness of New Yorkers in wake of this terrible disaster.
UPDATE: As I write this post, I’ve been notified that power has been restored in parts of Lower Manhattan (only East Village though).
Ever have one of those days where you feel like you’re struggling to keep your head above water? Well last week was one of those weeks, but thankfully I had something to smile about: talking to my Mom and Dad. I came to the realization that after every conversation with them, I’m usually smiling after, no matter how upset or angry I was before. They know how to pick me up when I’m down and how to the light the fire within.
I am blessed to say the least and have hundreds of things to smile about, so when I found out that Oct. 5th was National Smile Day, and got off the phone with my Mom, I immediately headed over to my computer to make a quick list of five things that makes me smile.
This is super repetitive, but talking to my parents is one thing that calms me down when I am infuriated at myself for something or when I am lacking motivation. My relationship with my Mom and Dad has transformed over the years, similar to how an awkward caterpillar morphs into a beautiful butterfly. In high school I was unable to open up to them (for whatever strange reason) but when I jetted off across the country, we became incredibly close. I call them daily, on my walk back from Coles to Union Square and it really soothes my soul and makes me grin from ear to ear.
Awesome Parents
Snapchat – If you have an iPhone, you should have this app. I am constantly snap chatting friends obnoxious selflies, but hey that’s what it’s for!
Twist Snapchatting
Finally Understanding Something – I’m currently in Sports Accounting and was so frustrated last week when I was unable to figure out the homework. In class, all of the principles clicked and I was beaming with excitement. Maybe it’s the inner nerd in me, but there is just something awesome about making sense of a difficult concept.
Quotes – My desk is covered in pink, purple, yellow and blue post-it’s with inspirational quotes to get me through the day and to remind me to persevere. I am a sucker (for lack of a better term) for a pieces of inspiration. Check out some of my favorites here!
Last but certainly not least, looking at old photos and watching home videos are one of those things that just puts a smile on my face. I was perusing through Facebook and found photos that seemed like just yesterday but in reality they were from close to ten years ago. This whole growing up thing stinks – I don’t believe I agreed to this.
