I lost my rhythm a long time ago, and no I’m not referencing my inability to dance – that’s another story in itself. For those of you who know me, you know that I enjoy the rush of being busy and the stress of a demanding workload. This semester was no different, my approach, however, was of a completely different nature. Instead of getting worked up about being a few minutes late to work because the trains were running late or stressing out over a huge assignment, I took on the mentality that life happens, either you can relish in the beautiful, twisted complexity of it or be angry over something you don’t have control of anyways. Although some may mistake this for a nonchalant-don’t care- attitude, it truly was a blessing in disguise.
“Some things in life are out of your control. You can make it a party or a tragedy.” – Nora Roberts
It’s a rainy Friday night and I’m sitting in my apartment, sipping on Earl Grey tea (my favorite), in my worn out running tights. A wave of nostalgia washes over me, as the rain taps lightly against my bedroom window, bringing me back to the rainy days spent at a café in Madrid. A sudden urge to write forces me to exit the Hulu show that I was only half-watching, and I open up a blank Microsoft Word canvas. It stares back at me for a few seconds before I find my rhythm again.
Inspiration has been lacking and fleeting this past semester, too many late nights spent studying and not enough mornings filled with a warm cup of tea and my laptop. An unacceptable excuse, but an excuse nonetheless. I’ve struggled to maintain balance and rhythm and my writing isn’t the only thing that shows it.
Soccer recently ended and as most seasons go, there was an end of season meeting to cap off the year and see what areas I need to improve on before next August. To say that I had a sub par season would be an understatement, but that again is a sorry excuse for what really happened. I came in unprepared and as a result didn’t to play my potential. Though I was upset and confused the entire season, and projected my problems on the field onto other parts of my life, I ended up realizing at the end of the season that what I was truly missing was balance. I was unable to work and play my best because I lost my rhythm, both on and off the field.
Though I was upset at the time, this season has been a lesson in perseverance and the artistry of being a good teammate. What I have come to realize is that the little things are what makes a team so great. Yes, the goal scoring is exciting and the exhilaration of stopping a shot in the upper 90 of the goal compares to nothing else in the world, but the truly beautiful thing about being on this team, are the bus rides to away games and team dinners in cramped apartments and the funny Snapchats we send to each other as we sit in hotel rooms hundreds of miles away from home but only feet away from our second family. What I’ve learned is that when you have rhythm, you become unstoppable.
I’m learning how to dance again, find my rhythm, if you may. I’m determined to make life a celebration, not a catastrophe, and relish in the positivity of it all, because I’ve learned that some things are truly out of my control.