If you know me well enough, you probably already know that I’m not very good with feelings or making monumental life decisions or even just saying goodbye. I deal with feelings by storing emotions in the deep dark, pit of my soul, slap on a smile, and wait until the very last moment to be true to myself and to those around me, almost to the point where the feelings themselves become irrelevant. Instead of wearing emotions on my sleeve, I bear a big toothy grin as if it’s the only thing my face knows how to wear.  I don’t know if it’s some innate thing I’ve just done because I am a “people pleaser” or what, but it’s been something I’ve been working on for awhile, and slowly but surely I’m getting better at being honest with my feelings and myself.  I’ve been learning how to feel again and quite honestly it’s been harder than I thought. This past summer, however, something changed; my friends and coworkers taught me that when all else fails, when my emotions overwhelm you, to just follow my heart. Ignore the warning flags, just go for what your heart desires, and LIVE.

Living in, arguably, two of the most materialistic and superficial states in the U.S., I am used to measuring my success on the amount of money in my bank account, how many friends I had, and the amount of likes I would get on any particular social media post. I had complete disregard for my feelings and only focused on reaching the next milestone in my athletic and academic career.  Old Meg didn’t care about her feelings, much less for other’s either. I was a train wreck waiting to happen. I figure it was only a matter of time before I fell into a crashing flood of emotions and had to take a break from everything.  So I decided to follow my heart, because my determined self was not about to about to let “all else fail”.

Since this massive realization, I’ve come to accept that it’s best to just follow your heart even if it does make you vulnerable. I know I am not good at asking for help, much less being the vulnerable one, but it’s something worth working on. On the flip side of following my heart, I know I’m happiest surrounded by high energy, goal-oriented, young-at-heart people who have a passion for living their life to the fullest. I’ve learned that life is better spent laughing over spilt milk, rather than crying over it. And I’ve learned to love my flaws, the mistakes I’ve made and every single quirky thing I do, because if you can’t accept them yourself, no one else will.

This past weekend, I had to say goodbye to the people who helped me realize that I had to follow my heart to do anything worthwhile, and I couldn’t help but get emotional. To put it in Meg terms, vulnerable.  This summer, I learned to follow my heart and be true to those around me. I learned to tell people I loved them, to actually tell people how I felt, and began to find my passion in the sports world.  I know that if I continue to follow my heart, our paths will cross again but I couldn’t help but tear up as I boarded the 777 to JFK this evening.

My journey is far from over, but this is to learning how to follow my heart and living life to the fullest (with every ounce of emotion worn across my face).